Chapter 8 - Sleep Together
clownfish - 0 | clownfish - 7 | clownfish - 9
Shen Dong felt like he’d just dug a hole, jumped into it then watched as Cao Mu hammered in the nails of the coffin.
Give me some time.
Clearly what he meant was to more gently let Cao Mu’s expectations down, but instead it had become a promise.
Now when Shen Dong thought of it, he wanted to bash his head into a table. The moment he’d said it, he’d regretted it. He knew what kind of a person Cao Mu was, he knew he didn’t know what it meant to turn someone down gracefully.
All he knew what that Shen Dong was a good person and a good person keeps their word.
“L-let me give, give y-you a… Japanese n-name.” Shen Dong leaned back on the chair and put his legs up on the table as he stared at the black computer screen.
“What’s ‘Japanese name’ mean? I have a name. It’s Cao Mu.” Cao Mu was sitting on the window sill with his eyes half closed in the sea breeze. He had no interest in ‘Japanese names’.
“O-bu-stin-ait-to-ko.”
“That sounds so bad,” Cao Mu scrunched up his eyebrows. “What’s ‘Japanese’ mean?”
“On our… our North…
“North? More than Guanhua Town? Japanese Town? I haven’t heard of it,” Cao Mu thought a moment. “Maybe I forgot.”
Shen Dong didn’t reply. He sighed. Was the mermaid Yu Xiaojia like this too when she left? He didn’t really want to imagine what could have happened to her. He hoped that the person she went with really was a good person.
“It sounds bad. Sounds way worse than ‘Cao Mu’,” Cao Mu continued to evaluate the name. Finally he looked over at Shen Dong as he seemed to realise something. “You’re making fun of me!”
“Nope.” Shen Dong smiled.
“I know what ‘obstinate’ means.” Cao Mu continued to look at him.
“S-such a slow, slow reaction.” Shen Dong felt chipper.
“I’ll give you a Japanese name too,” Cao Mu said then thought for a bit. “Stutterer-ko.”
Shen Dong jumped up from the chair and slapped Cao Mu’s arm.
“Ah!” Cao Mu shouted as he held his arm. “This habit of yours is getting worse and worse, Shen Dong! You said I’m obstinate, but I can’t say you have…”
“Oh?” Shen Dong stood next to him with narrowed eyes.
“I can’t say you have… you know!” Cao Mu hesitated before deciding not to say ‘stutter’. Truthfully, he wasn’t afraid of being hit by Shen Dong, it wasn’t like the guy used a lot of force anyway so it didn’t hurt, but he just didn’t want Shen Dong to get angry, even if he didn’t understand why he did.
“Best to not say it,” Shen Dong said before sitting back down with his leg on the table and staring into space.
“Shen Dong.” Cao Mu paused then turned to him. “Shen Dong.”
“Oh.”
“Why is it? Why do you not like people saying that? The captain says I’m crazy but I don’t get angry.” Cao Mu dropped down from the window sill and pulled up another chair to sit by Shen Dong.
“Don’t remember.” Shen Dong closed his eyes.
“Ah?” Cao Mu stared at him. “Ah?”
Shen Dong didn’t continue. It wasn’t the word itself that bothered him, rather it was what came after: contempt, teasing, or, sometimes, bizarre sympathy or pity.
All these things irritated him. No matter if the person meant well or not he didn’t want any of it.
Or perhaps, it was all because of another reason. He didn’t think himself that unreasonable a person yet he seemed overly sensitive on this one point. But if there was another reason for it, he didn’t know what it was.
“Shen Dong.” Cao Mu repeated when he saw that Shen Dong wasn’t going to reply.
“Oh?”
“Sometimes you don’t stutter.”
“Oh.” Shen Dong opened his eyes and looked at Cao Mu. There were indeed some times when he could speak perfectly fluently.
If Cao Mu hadn’t mentioned it, he wouldn’t have noticed, but this situation had only arisen after he’d met Cao Mu. Or, to put another way, sometimes when he spoke to Cao Mu he didn’t stutter.
“Probably cos you’re not human,” Shen Dong closed his eyes. Again he spoke fluently.
“Ah? Really?” Cao Mu’s mouth hung open for a while, then he leaned closer to Shen Dong. “Then why do you think I don’t forget you? I always remember you.”
Shen Dong opened his eyes yet again. Though Cao Mu sometimes forgot what he was doing, when it came to him, he had no problems remembering. To borrow Captain Jack’s words, perhaps he’d made a deeper impression.
“Don’t know.”
“But why?” Cao Mu thought about it.
Since the day Shen Dong had said the words ‘give me some time’, Cao Mu had met up with him every day and spent the day in the Watch Room sometimes talking, sometimes not.
When he was feeling good, he’d cook Cao Mu noodles with whatever ingredients he could rustle up. When he wasn’t feeling so up to it, he’d just throw in some bokchoi leaves and call it a day. But regardless, Cao Mu ate it up happily, almost as if he couldn’t taste the difference.
To a dabbler in the cooking arts, this lack of reaction was quite a blow to his cooking confidence.
Shen Dong knew that Cao Mu was just waiting for the ‘some time’ to end, but he could still not think of a good enough reason to turn Cao Mu down.
In another week, Chen-shu would be returning to the island and at that time, Cao Mu wouldn’t be able to spend time in the Watch Room since it was against regulation to allow non-personnel in there.
Chen-shu was a stickler for certain things, like these kinds of regulations. For example, in their Equipment Maintenance Log, Shen Dong normally would just write the date, if the equipment was running normally, if anything came up, and, if he really couldn’t be bothered, ‘same as above’. Chen-shu was different, he had to write everything out in great detail.
For the first two years on the island, Chen-shu had insisted on Shen Dong wearing the uniform and it it was only until upper management stopped sending them them uniforms did Chen-shu finally allow him to wear casual dress to work.
“Cao Mu,” Shen Dong stood up and rotated his arms. “Ch-Chen-shu will be back, back in two days.”
“Oh? That fat uncle?” Cao Mu thought a moment. “Ah! After he comes back, does that mean you can go?”
Chen-shu wasn’t that fat right? Shen Dong stood and looked out of the window at the waves crashing against the rocks. He wasn’t sure how to reply to the latter part of Cao Mu’s question.
“Once he comes back, you can’t come to the Watch Room. People who don’t work here aren’t allowed in.” Shen Dong continued to look out the window. He could imagine what Cao Mu’s expression must look like right now and he didn’t want to have to face his heartbroken face.
“Ah…” Cao Mu’s tone sounded surprised. “Is that so? Then I won’t go in. I’ll wait for you somewhere else.”
“Cao Mu…” Shen Dong tapped at the frame of the window. “A-about…”
“Oh?” Cao Mu came to stand next to him and waited for him to finish his sentence.
”… Never mind.” Shen Dong sighed. “It-it’s nothing.”
“I’m hungry. Can you cook something?” Cao Mu rubbed his stomach. “After Chen-shu comes back, will you not be able to cook things for me to eat?”
“I-I’ll cook you… noodles.” Shen Dong looked at the time. It was just about mealtime.
He was especially careful as he prepared this bowl of noodles. Somehow, he felt like he was harbouring a deep kind of guilt as he cooked, so he endeavoured to cut the strips of bokchoy even more thinly than usual.
He hadn’t promised to accompany Cao Mu to find Yu Xiaojia and he hadn’t even known Cao Mu for that long, not to mention the reality of what he really was, yet Shen Dong couldn’t help but feel he was letting Cao Mu down.
This pained him. He wasn’t a soft-hearted person nor was he sentimental, he’d been planning on spending the rest of his life alone on this island after all, a thing any normal person would balk at, yet he couldn’t figure out why he was feeling this way when it came to Cao Mu.
“Eat up.” Shen Dong placed the bowl of noodles in front of Cao Mu.
“So good!” Cao Mu picked up his chopsticks and shouted, “No, tasty!”
“W-who taught, taught you to, to use ch-chopsticks?” Shen Dong sat down across from him and watched as he buried his face in noodles. The way he ate had real feeling to it to the point it was starting to make Shen Dong hungry too.
“My sister. She said, even though I don’t normally need to, but sometimes I might, so there’s no harm in learning it.” Cao Mu’s chopsticks stopped in midair. “Now I’m using it.”
“Eat up.” Shen Dong looked down and started on his own noodles. He didn’t want Cao Mu to start asking him on when he’d be able to go help him find Yu Xiaojia.
Cao Mu didn’t say anything more and instead immersed himself in eating. After he’d finished, he said he was tired and before Shen Dong could remind him to not run around so much right after eating, he was already jumping down the stairs.
“I’m off! Tomorrow I won’t come to the Watch Room!”
Cao Mu was serious about his words. If he said he wasn’t coming to the Watch Room, then he wouldn’t be coming to the Watch Room. For three, four days, Shen Dong didn’t see Cao Mu near the lighthouse, or more broadly, he hadn’t seen him at all.
One day the lighthouse threw out a problem and Shen Dong spent quite a few of those days climbing up and down fixing it. Each day, he was so exhausted afterwards, that he couldn’t muster the energy to get up and go find Cao Mu.
When Chen-shu returned on the ship, he brought a large pile of vegetables and two items of clothing.
“I got my daughter-in-law to buy them. You should change your clothes.” Chen-shu patted Shen Dong on the shoulder. “You been working hard? Go rest up. If I don’t call you in, you don’t need to come.”
“I-I’m fine.” Shen Dong received the clothes and smiled. He wasn’t so sure how to assess Chen-shu’s daughter-in-law’s style. The bright green T-shirt was especially eye-catching, even more so than the sapphire blue one. “Thank you.”
“Go have a nap. Your face looks awful.” Chen-shu was in good spirits after being able to go home for a while.
“I-it originally didn’t, didn’t look good.” Shen Dong grinned.
For this whole period, Shen Dong hadn’t looked at the coral so after leaving the lighthouse, he decided to go take a look first, then… go look around for Cao Mu. Who knew, perhaps the little clownfish would be sunbathing on the rocks.
The air on the island was lovely and, though it was a little sticky, Shen Dong liked the soft smell of the sea on the breeze. It always made him feel good.
When he reached the rocks he saw that there was a person sitting atop them looking out to the sea.
It made Shen Dong pause to see Cao Mu sitting on the rocks in the sun, completely naked.
Cao Mu didn’t seem to have noticed him and instead sit quietly, thinking about something.
Shen Dong hadn’t taken his watch face with him and had no way to tell the time, but based on the numbness of his legs from crouching, it was no short period of time. And yet, through all of it, Cao Mu hadn’t moved one inch. Were it not for the wind in his hair, Shen Dong would have thought he was a statue.
What concentration.
Shen Dong sighed inwardly.
“Shen Dong,” Cao Mu suddenly called out.
“Ah.” Shen Dong’s shock was immense. Cao Mu’s tone was completely calm as though he wasn’t surprised that Shen Dong was crouched behind him. He hadn’t even turned his head.
“You taking a dump?” Cao Mu asked then turned.
“…No,” Shen Dong replied helplessly.
“I saw the big ship come. Is Chen-shu back?” Cao Mu smiled.
“Oh.” Shen Dong walked up next to him and sat. “I haven’t seen you for a few days.”
“I’ve been here. I thought you’d come look at the coral. You haven’t come for a long time.” Cao Mu pulled at his own hair.
“Been busy.” Shen Dong took the sapphire blue shirt in his hand and threw it to Cao Mu. “W-wear it.”
“New?” Cao Mu grinned happily, then hesitated. “Old?”
“Wear it!” Shen Dong didn’t feel like explaining. “I-I’m giving it, it to you.”
“Really?” Cao Mu gasped. “Really?!”
“Oh.”
Shen Dong watched as Cao Mu happily put on the shirt. Actually, the blueness of the shirt clashed something awful with the tan of his skin and made him look even darker, but so would have the green shirt. Shen Dong couldn’t handle the colour of the green shirt, so he decided that if he wore it himself, then he wouldn’t have to look at it. Besides, whatever Cao Mu wore would be what he would see every day.
After Cao Mu put on the shirt he fell silent again and stared out at the ocean. Shen Dong also didn’t make a sound. He found it odd that Cao Mu was so quiet.
Finally, after a while of silence that made Shen Dong’s head feel stuffy, Cao Mu twitched, then spoke. “Shen Dong, actually, you don’t want to come with me to find my sister, right?”
Shen Dong never thought Cao Mu would say something like this. He stared at him for a moment before he opened his mouth. “Why do you… ask?”
“There are a lot of things I don’t understand, but I’m not stupid,” he said with a laugh. Then he sighed. “I just thought, if I waited a few days, maybe you’d be willing, so I waited. I’ve waited a long time already, what’s a few more?”
“I…” Shen Dong stopped. It wasn’t because of his stutter this time, rather, he had no idea what to say. Cao Mu’s quiet sigh stabbed him in the heart and gave rise to a strange feeling. It was like, if a person who had sealed themselves safely into a tin suddenly found that a corner had opened and some strange yet familiar feelings had flowed in.
“Actually, you don’t need to come with me. I remember someone saying that they’d come with me.” Cao Mu screwed up his eyebrows to think for a while. “Just can’t remember who it was…”
“T-the captain?” Shen Dong decided to try reminding him of his existence since, as far as he knew, the only person he could imagine being willing to go with Cao Mu would be Hong Jie.
“Right! The captain!” Cao Mu shouted happily. “How did you know?”
“I guessed.”
“But the captain said he can’t leave his boat or the sea. Got to wait until he’s stayed here long enough first then he can go.” Cao Mu used a finger to gently tap at a nearby rock. “He’s not a fish. I don’t know why he can’t.”
Shen Dong stood and looked out at the ocean to gather his courage. After looking for a while he threw up his hands then crouched down again.
Then he rapped Cao Mu on the head, and said through gritted teeth, “I’ll go with you.”
“You’ll go with me?” Cao Mu jumped up then pushed his face in close to Shen Dong’s. “You’ll go with me?!”
“Oh.” Shen Dong used a finger to push Cao Mu’s head away.
“Really? You’re not against it?” Cao Mu repeated to confirm.
“No.” Shen Dong looked up at the sky. That moment when he said he’d go with Cao Mu, he’d felt a sudden odd feeling. Seven years huh?
That night, Shen Dong couldn’t sleep. Instead, he lay in bed, tossing and turning until the whole thing squeaked mightily. It made him want to laugh. He got up and slapped the wood. “Real similar.”
The walkie talkie crackled and Chen-shu’s voice came through the line. “Shen Dong! You there? You awake?!”
Shen Dong got out of bed and picked up the walkie talkie. “I’m here.”
“Is the computer broken?” Chen-shu sounded despondent.
“Yeah. Over half a month ago.”
“You didn’t fix it?”
“I can’t.”
“What now?” Chen-shu sounded even worse. “Why didn’t you get it sound to be fixed when the ship came?”
“Forgot.” Shen Dong sat down on his bed. He really did forget. Since the thing broke, he’d spent every day with Cao Mu and hadn’t felt the sting of the loss of entertainment, and so, he’d completely forgotten to get the thing fixed.
“Last time I went back, I brought a pack of cards. Where’d you put it?” Chen-shu asked.
“In the third draw of the table next to the materials cabinet…” Shen Dong paused. “I don’t know how to play.”
“Who’s going to play with you? I’m going to do some fortune telling,” Chen-shu said with a sigh. “It’s going to take at least two months to get the computer fixed. I can tell the fortune of everyone in the village at least once.”
He’d truly wronged Chen-shu.
Shen Dong set down the walkie talkie and wondered if he should go look in at to the lighthouse the next day. Chen-shu wasn’t like him. The boredom of the Watch Room could be torturous.
Shen Dong drank from his cup of water and was about to lie back down on his bed again when he suddenly saw a shadow through the window. He jumped, his knee hitting the bedframe.
“Who?!” Shen Dong shouted, hand clasping his knee.
But after shouting he realised who it had to be.
“Me, Cao Mu,” Cao Mu said, his smiling face appearing in the window. He knocked against the glass.
“W-what?” Shen Dong was surprised. Earlier Cao Mu had announced that he was tired and would go sleep yet here he was only a few hours later.
“Can I come in?” Cao Mu carefully asked. “It’s boring to be on my own. No one to talk to.”
“D-door’s not, not locked.” Shen Dong waved a hand and patted the top of his pillow.
“You going to sleep?” Cao Mu asked as he came in and stood by the bed.
“Oh.” Shen Dong rolled over. “You want to chat?”
“If you’re sleeping, then we don’t need to chat,” Cao Mu said, grinning. He turned and sat down on the small stool by the door then leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. “I don’t need to talk, I just don’t want to be alone. Before I had my grandpa, then later I stayed with you while you worked. These few days being alone feels bad.”
“F-feels bad?”
“My chest feels bad. Makes me want to cry.” Cao Mu cracked open an eye.
“Oh.” Shen Dong let out the breath he’d been holding then closed his eyes too. After a few minutes, he sat up and looked at Cao Mu. It really seemed liek the guy was planning on sleeping just leaning up against the wall. Shen Dong patted the bed head. “Hey.”
“Want to chat?” Cao Mu opened his eyes.
“N-not chat. Don’t… Don’t you w-want to sleep?”
“Yeah. If you’re sleeping, what am I doing awake?”
“Just sitting there?”
“Oh,” Cao Mu replied with a yawn. “I can sleep however.”
“You don’t turn into a fish when you sleep?” Shen Dong was rather curious about this. Wouldn’t being a fish be more comfortable in the water?
“Too dangerous.” Cao Mu laughed.
“…Oh.” Shen Dong got up from the bed and took a blanket from the small cabinet. He folded it a good few times then placed it next to his pillow on the bed. “Lie here.”
“Sleep together?! Okay!” Cao Mu jumped up and over to the bed. He reached out a hand and rubbed the bed. “I’ve never slept in a bed before!”
Shen Dong had originally wanted to lie on the outside but after thinking a moment, he decided that to avoid being kicked off the bed by a person who had never slept in a bed before, he’d best stay where he was.
Cao Mu lay next to him and rolled his head back and forth, back and forth on his blanket pillow. “It’s so weird! So comfy!”
In the summer, Shen Dong used two blankets. Right now, one was serving as Cao Mu’s pillow, the other lay over them. Or did lay over them before Cao Mu twisted and pulled it away. Shen Dong dragged it back only to have it go yet again.
During the day, the island was hot but at night it was surprisingly cold. After rescuing the blanket a few more times, Shen Dong began to regret inviting Cao Mu to sleep in the bed.
“Shen Dong, you think…” Cao Mu turned again, dragging the blanket with him.
“The hell do I think?!” Shen Dong couldn’t help bringing a hand down on Cao Mu’s back.
“Ah!” Cao Mu rolled over and shouted. “You’re looking for trouble again!”
“If you’re going to keep rolling around and dragging the blanket everywhere, you’d better go back to sitting in your chair to sleep!” Shen Dong replied, yanking the blanket back over himself.
“Oh,” Cao Mu blinked. “I didn’t realise. I won’t move.”
And Cao Mu really didn’t move after laying side down, facing Shen Dong, his breath blowing against Shen Dong’s neck.
“Cao Mu…” Shen Dong sighed.
He was about to tell Cao Mu to not breath on him when, before he could say it, Cao Mu suddenly drew nearer, looped an arm around his waist and put a leg over one of his.
Shen Dong froze.